The Shrinking Song

The Shrinking Song

Woolen socks, woolen socks!
Full of color, full of clocks!
Plain and fancy, yellow, blue,
From the counter beam at you.
O golden fleece, O magic flocks!
O irresistible woolen socks!
O happy haberdasher's clerk
Amid that galaxy to work!
And now it festers, now it rankles
Not to have them 'round your ankles;
Now with your conscience do you spar;
They look expensive, and they are;
Now conscience whispers,
You ought not to,
And human nature roars,
You've got to!

Woolen socks, woolen socks!
First you buy them in a box.
You buy them several sizes large,
Fit for Hercules, or a barge.
You buy them thus because you think
These lovely woolen socks may shrink.
At home you don your socks with ease,
You find the heels contain your knees;
You realize with a saddened heart
Their toes and yours are far apart.
You take them off and mutter Bosh,
You up and send them to the wash.
Too soon, too soon the socks return,
Too soon the horrid truth you learn;
Your woolen socks can not be worn
Unless a midget child is born;
And either sockless you must go,
Or buy a sock for every toe,

Woolen socks, woolen socks!
Infuriating paradox!
Hosiery wonderful and terrible,
Heaven to wear, and yet unwearable.
The man enmeshed in such a quandary
Can only hie him to the laundry,
And while his socks are hung to dry,
Wear them once as they're shrinking by.

--Ogden Nash (1902-1971) prolific American poet and humorist.

Also by Nash:

Introspective Reflection

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Ogden Nash poems  Copyright © by Linell Nash Smith and Isabel Nash Eberstadt.

 

Comments

[Diane H K]

Man, oh man did I ever need a good chuckle. Thank you, Miss M.!

[Elise]

gotta love him!

[Birdsong]

Delightful bits of doggeral! Thanks for sharing.

[Cheryl]

I'm an Ogden Nash fan too! How can one not be, the guy was a riot.

[cyndy]

Love it, love it! Great fun! Thanks Marcy~

...a wonderful bird is the pelican....

[Sharon]

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, and that made my heart very merry. Thanks - I enjoyed the laugh.

[blogless sharon]

Very cool.

[Janice in GA]

Another Ogden Nash fan checking in. He was, among other things, a master of little succinct verses. I like this one:

This is my dream,
It is my own dream,
I dreamt it.
I dreamt that my hair was kempt.
Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

[Beth S.]

Never heard that one before! Thanks for sharing it with us. :-)

Nash clearly didn't have anyone to knit him socks (or a book that would teach him to knit and launder his own.)

[Christene]

The more I read, the more I liked... I've always been a Nash fan, but that one somehow escaped...

[Heather]

Hilarious!

[Lucia]

I'd never heard that poem, and I love Nash! My all-time favorite (until now, anyway) is "Very Like a Whale," from which:

First of all, George Gordon Byron had enough experience
To know that it probably wasn't just one Assyrian, it was a lot of Assyrians.
(...)
But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them,
With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.

[Kathleen C.]

Thank you! I am a huge fan of Ogden Nash and had been trying to remember the title of this poem!
One of my favorites:
A shrimp who sought his lady shrimp
Could catch no glimpse Not even a glimp.
At times, translucence
Is rather a nuisance

To those who are unacquainted with his work check out http://www.westegg.com/nash/

[Tan]

Thanks for sharing that poem (those poems). I haven never heard it (them) before. Did you knit those incredible, eye-knocking socks? Somehow those colors don't look like traditional socks from Fair Isle.

[LaurieM]

I loved that little poem. Thanks!

[Carol]

Yes, indeed! I couldn't guess who the poet was (wondered if it was your own....)
Did me a power of good that did.

[rho]

wow thanks for reminding me of one of my favorite poets.